How do you get an Irishman on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
St Patrick's Day on Balloons by Stuart Miles
An Irishman is not drunk until he can’t move

Q: How do you confuse an Irish man?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him his lunch is in the corner

What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off of walls?
Answer: Rick O’ Shea!

Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory, the factory manager asks “Have you worked with chemicals before?” “Yes!” Paddy replies. The manager asks “Can you tell me what nitrate is?” Paddy replies “I’m hoping it’s going to be time and a half.”

Lassi says “Paddy, we’ve been married a long time. You’re good lookin’ and I think you’ve slept with alotta women. I won’t be mad but I would like to know how many if any. Paddy says, “My lovely Lass, you should know I never slept with anyone but you my Darlin’. All the rest, I was awake.”

An Irish Toast: May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.

The Doctor was puzzled “I’m very sorry, Mr O’Flaherty, but I can’t diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink.”
“Don’t worry about it, Dr Cullen, I’ll come back when you’re sober.”

And one more….Scene: New York City, man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Irish cop. Cop yells up to the man “Don’t jump! Think of your father” Man replies “Haven’t got a father; I’m going to jump.” The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says “haven’t got one; going to jump.” Desperate the cop yells up “Don’t jump! Think of the Blessed Virgin” Man replies “Who is that?” Cop yells “Jump, Protestant! You’re blocking traffic!”



Image: St. Patrick’s Day on Balloons courtesy of Stuart Miles/

About Susan MIlls Wilson

Susan Mills Wilson is a native of North Carolina where she writes romantic suspense. She is the leader of the Charlotte Writers Club Mystery Critique Group and a member of Charlotte Writers Club. Subscribe to Susan’s blog at
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